Parenting 101 – the basics. Learn about the 5 Basic Steps to administer discipline in your children with less discipline and without violence or punishment.
UNICEF has recently launched a great campaign called positive education in Costa Rica aimed at parents and educators. It is based on five basic steps to raise children positively and without punishment. When faced with a conflict:
- Calm down
- Reach agreements.
It highlights the importance of positive communication and respectful parenting without violence or shouting and makes an appeal to adult caregivers of children to adopt attitudes and practices of the participatory discipline.
You cannot justify flogging or abuse towards children. Hitting a child is a crime; however, when correcting actions that we consider unacceptable, the opinions are divided.
Educating whipping, screaming and blackmailing is not an education focused on respect and equality. The adult is positioned above the child and not on his level to discuss, explain and seek solutions. You have to know that is not correct way and that there are patterns of alternative parenting whipping.
The order of the five steps is essential:
1. Calm down
The first step is the most important: know the symptoms of anger and calm down when we feel that the volcano is about to erupt. Many times, we feel overwhelmed, angry, full of rage, but we are adults and we must learn to put on the brakes when we are losing control.
Listening is the basis of a communication with children. It is used as a measure of punishment before hearing the reasons that have led the child to have done this or that behavior. It is easier to raise your hand or shout, but listening is a bit of an educational method. We must listen to the child, his version and then continue with the following steps.
It is essential to teach children that conflicts are resolved by talking, listening to the arguments of others and exposing our view, always with respect. Do not forget that we educate by example. If we explode on something we do not like, we are projecting that behavior in our children and also teaching that conflicts are solved with violence, not dialogue.
Once the views are expressed, we must focus on explaining to the children why what they have done is wrong, why they might have undesirable consequences and why it can be dangerous, etc. If the child or we are angry, it is better to wait for a little to calm down before explaining things so they can assimilate and understand them better.
5. Reach an agreement
We are parents. It does not mean that we know the absolute truth. Often, children give us great lessons. The last step is to reach agreements between the two sides like in a negotiation.
The importance of establishing agreements is that both the child and the parents undertake to improve or correct their attitudes for the future.
The child should get this message:
Next time, take into account what we have discussed and what we have explained and try to do better. If not, we will have to start the five steps again until you can understand it.
Yes, indeed, apply these five basic steps to raise the children positively. Doing it without punishment requires large doses of patience, common sense and care, the three main pillars for respectful parenting. In my view, this is the only effective course of action!